Archive: April 10th, 2003

Live from Baghdad

"Men, we have got to find Saddam Hussein."

"Sir, we’ve found him, sir!"

"Excellent work. men. Lead me to him."

"Sir, it’s not exactly Saddam Hussein, sir! It’s… a statue, sir."


"Sir, it’s even bigger than a real Saddam Hussein, sir! And it’s made out of metal, sir!"

"Hmmm… you’re right. If we tied a rope around a real Saddam Hussein and pulled on it with a tank, well that would just look kind of… pathetic. Not telegenic enough. There just wouldn’t be the same amount of symbolism somehow."

"Sir, permission to search for over a thousand paperweights of Iraqi civilians to symbolically destroy, sir!"

"Permission granted, men, permission granted. The iraqi people have already given us the ‘thumbs up’. I’ll alert the press."