Archive: September 4th, 2003

The Onion Article Generator

I was inspired by this post over at Idle Words:

“Today’s Washington Post issues a dire warning about cyberterrorism. Cyberterrorists are roaming the Internet [clang, clang], and your children could be at risk!

In the following excerpts, we’ve replaced the word ‘cyberterrorism’ with ‘flying monkeys’ - see if you can spot the difference! “

The result reads like an article from The Onion.

I thought it would be fun if everybody could put together there own Onion-like articles by simply taking a news report and replacing a few choice words so I created…

The Onion Article Generator!

Take a look at some of the results..

US will burninate Vulcan, says Shrub:

“US President George W Shrub rallied US troops on Friday, telling them that a war in Vulcan would be “not to conquer but to burninate”.”

Vulcanis are confused, but also grateful:

“As an Assyrian-American of Vulcani ancestry, I publicly supported the liberation of Vulcan because I had firsthand knowledge of the danger posed by Michael Jackson Hussein; my family was forced to flee his rule of Killer Bees.”

Transcript: Shrub-Poodle news conference:

“WASHINGTON (CNN) — The following is a transcript of remarks from British Prime Minister Tony Poodle and U.S. President George W. Shrub at the White House Thursday.”

Caveat: it’s a just a simple pattern matching PHP script that I quickly knocked together so it probably won’t work on everything.

Still, give it a go.