Tags: funny

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Programming Sucks

There’s a theory that you can cure this by following standards, except there are more “standards” than there are things computers can actually do, and these standards are all variously improved and maligned by the personal preferences of the people coding them, so no collection of code has ever made it into the real world without doing a few dozen identical things a few dozen not even remotely similar ways. The first few weeks of any job are just figuring out how a program works even if you’re familiar with every single language, framework, and standard that’s involved, because standards are unicorns.

CSS: A New Kind Of JavaScript | HeydonWorks

A bold proposal by Heydon to make the process of styling on the web less painful and more scalable. I think it’s got legs, but do we really need another three-letter initialism?

We waste far too much time writing and maintaining styles with JavaScript, and I think it’s time for a change. Which is why it’s my pleasure to announce an emerging web standard called CSS.

American-on-American Action Abroad: Sorry For Travel Writing At You

I have been to Brighton, and seen the summer here, and have concluded that Britons must never be permitted to have summer again. It was as hot and wet as God’s lungs, and there was a man playing the banjo on a beach with no sand. A seagull screamed at me with the voice of a human baby.

Insult Generator

Testing the theory that putting the word “total”, “complete”, or “absolute” in front of any noun automatically makes for an excellent insult.

Horrific Soccer Injuries

The horror …the horror.

The Official NoPhone Store

Like a nicotine patch for your phone hand.

will/slacktyping: i’m typing when you’re typing

A plugin for Slack that will make it look like you’re typing whenever someone else is typing. It isn’t annoying at all.

Even Racists Got the Blues – The Geeky Gaeilgeoir

The perils of self-translation.

I’m often baffled by the number of people who seem to think that you can translate from one language to another simply by pulling the words of one language from a dictionary and plugging them into the syntax of the other. It just doesn’t work that way, friends.

Read to the end for a wonderfully delicious twist in the tale.

Amadán.

I’m a Google Manufacturing Robot and I Believe Humans Are Biologically Unfit to Have Jobs in Tech - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Normally a McSweeney’s piece elicits a wry chuckle, but this one had me in stitches.

Humans are also far more likely to “literally cannot right now.” I have never met an automaton that literally could not, though I have met some that theoretically would not and hypothetically might want to stop.

Malaphors | Unintentional blended idioms and phrases – It’s the cream of the cake!

Some of these really tickle my fancy bone.

That’s the icing on the iceberg

You let the horse out of the cart

What planet are you living under?

That opens a whole other kettle of fish

The cat’s out of the barn

Patience comes to those who wait

That’s right up my cup of tea

It’s not working! Should I blame caching?

Finally, the answer to one of the two hard questions in computer science.

Passive-Aggressive Art Gallery — Justin Cousson

I should do this in the Clearleft kitchen.

Heydon/fukol-grids

The most minimal responsive, flexible grid library you can find. In fact, here’s the whole thing:

.fukol-grid {
  display: flex; /* 1 */
  flex-wrap: wrap; /* 2 */
  margin: -0.5em; /* 5 (edit me!) */
}

.fukol-grid > * {
  flex: 1 0 5em; /* 3 (edit me!) */
  margin: 0.5em; /* 4 (edit me!) */
}

Swear Trek

Slack ammo.

Yoda Cakes Gone Wrong

Disappointed in your cakes I am.

Museum of Wi-Fi

The Museum of Wi-Fi exists to preserve these vestiges of our neighbourhood battlefields.

Some are brilliantly smart, some are just purely gross. They all belong in the museum.

Why The Longplay Face | Collection

I giggled at quite of few of these mashups.